Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
