I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
