He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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