Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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