I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
