I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
