Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she looked like the before picture.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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