it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
