i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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