So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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