U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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