When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
