There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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