After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
