We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
