My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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