Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize