At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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