three words: i give head
three words: not that well
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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