Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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