Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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