What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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