wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
