1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
