You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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