do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
