Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
now i know why i became what i already was.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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