My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
