So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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