i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
