So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
