theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
