i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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