Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
babies were throwing up all over the place
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
