either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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