sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
