i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
