I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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