Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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