I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
