I can text with my tongue
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
