I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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