yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
