sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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