I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize