Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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