Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
