No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
