You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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