I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
