Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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