We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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