I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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