Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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