as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
