i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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