Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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