This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
