Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
