Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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