This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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