Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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