Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
